SHOCKING NEWS (SATIRE): Duke Blue Devils Assistant Coach Emanuel Dildy FIRED… Over Ping Pong Incident?
Durham, NC – July 14, 2025
In an absolutely bizarre turn of events from the Duke Blue Devils’ basketball facilities, assistant coach Emanuel Dildy has reportedly been let go after a heated ping pong match with Head Coach Jon Scheyer escalated beyond control.
Sources close to the team (aka one very chatty intern) claim that Dildy, known for his fierce competitive spirit, slammed his paddle on the floor after losing 21–19. The outburst allegedly triggered a chain reaction that resulted in three broken chairs, a spilled Gatorade cooler, and one very confused mascot.
“Coach Dildy is a great coach,” said team captain Cooper Flagg. “But the man hates losing at ping pong.”
While no official statement has been made, Duke’s athletic department has cryptically posted a message on Twitter:
🌀🏓 “No paddles, no peace.” 🏀🔵
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