🧪 BREAKING NEWS: Mariners Manager Dan Wilson “Sick” of Quarterback Aaron Rodgers After Positive Test
In a bizarre and completely unnecessary crossover between two unrelated sports, Seattle Mariners manager Dan Wilson has reportedly fallen “sick”—not with an illness, but with frustration—after hearing that NFL quarterback Aaron Rodgers has once again tested positive for “main character syndrome.”
Sources close to the clubhouse say Wilson, who has no professional ties to Rodgers or the NFL, was blindsided by headlines featuring the New York Jets quarterback dominating sports coverage during All-Star week.
“I’m just trying to manage a baseball team,” Wilson muttered under his breath while reporters asked about Rodgers’ recent ayahuasca-themed podcast. “Why is he trending again? It’s July. This is baseball’s time.”
The final straw came when a Mariners intern mistakenly replaced the team’s pre-game hype video with footage of Rodgers’ 4-hour interview with Joe Rogan. Wilson reportedly left the clubhouse muttering, “I swear if I hear ‘immunized’ one more time…”
While the Mariners continue their wildcard push, Wilson has allegedly banned all mention of Aaron Rodgers from the dugout, clubhouse, and team flights.
Rodgers, when reached for comment, said, “I’m honored Dan’s thinking about me. Most baseball guys don’t understand quantum healing or indoor hot-air ballooning.”
Wilson has since requested a trade—not for a player, but to any reality where Rodgers doesn’t dominate the news cycle.
