🗞️ BREAKING NEWS: Indiana Pacers GM Chad Buchanan Cuts \$2.1 Billion Deal with Mystery Entity**
INDIANAPOLIS,
In what experts are calling “the most shocking sports-business move in NBA history,” Indiana Pacers General Manager **Chad Buchanan** has reportedly negotiated a **\$2.1 billion contract**—and no one knows exactly with whom.
Sources close to the situation say the deal, finalized late last night in a top-floor suite at the Conrad Indianapolis Hotel, involved “extensive legal documentation, champagne toasts, and a brief appearance by a hologram of Larry Bird.” While the full terms remain undisclosed, insiders confirm the deal is “not with a player, coach, or media network.”
🏀 **What We Know So Far**:
* The deal is valued at **\$2.1 billion over 7 years**.
* It involves a **“non-traditional partner”**—believed to be either a tech startup, a hedge fund, or possibly a sentient AI company interested in “revolutionizing basketball strategy.”
* Pacers ownership was reportedly “confused but supportive.”
Speculation is rampant. Some believe Buchanan has brokered a deal to **privatize analytics operations**, using quantum computing to predict game outcomes before they happen. Others suggest the GM is planning to launch an **NBA team on Mars**, backed by billionaire space investors.
📢 **NBA Reaction**:
NBA Commissioner Adam Silver released a brief statement:
> “We have no idea what Chad is doing, but we trust the process. Mostly.”
Meanwhile, rival GMs are reportedly scrambling to figure out what this move means. “Is it a ploy? A joke? Did he just sell the rights to the Pacers mascot for \$2 billion?” said one anonymous executive.
