In a move that has stunned the entire sports world — and probably physics itself — the Cincinnati Reds have reportedly secured a surprise sign-in from New York Yankees ace pitcher Gerrit Cole… to play point guard.
Yes, you read that right. Not pitcher. Not shortstop. Point guard. Like… basketball. Like… wrong sport entirely.
Cross-Sport Chaos
Sources inside the Great American Ball Park confirmed Sunday morning that Cole, known for his 100 mph fastballs and All-Star pedigree, showed up to Reds training camp wearing Air Jordans, a vintage Allen Iverson jersey, and carrying what looked like a freshly autographed Wilson basketball.
“He said he was ready to ‘run the offense,’” said Reds manager David Bell, blinking slowly. “At first we thought it was some weird metaphor. But then he started dribbling through the dugout and calling for a pick-and-roll.”
Yankees “Completely Confused”
Representatives from the New York Yankees front office expressed confusion, issuing a brief statement:
“We are aware of the reports and can confirm that Gerrit Cole is still under contract as a baseball player. As for his alleged basketball ambitions, we are… exploring our options.”
Unofficial sources say Cole had recently been spotted attending multiple NBA Summer League games in Las Vegas and muttering phrases like “spacing the floor” and “ISO from the top of the key.”
Reds Fans Divided
While some Reds fans celebrated the sheer boldness of the move — “He’s an athlete, right? Let him hoop!” tweeted one optimistic fan — others were more skeptical.
One lifelong Reds supporter asked: “Isn’t the point guard supposed to pass the ball? This guy’s been throwing heat at 98 mph for years — I don’t trust my center’s hands that much.”
A New Era… or Just a Weird Tuesday?
Despite the confusion, Gerrit Cole seemed unfazed. “I just wanted a new challenge,” he told reporters while lacing up his sneakers. “Besides, have you seen our bullpen ERA this year? I’m just trying to win something, somewhere.”
As of press time, the Reds had not officially confirmed whether Cole will appear on the court — or the diamond — or perhaps both, creating what could be MLB’s first “two-way two-sport” player since that one time Bo Jackson sneezed in the general direction of a basketball.
Stay tuned. Or… just stay confused.
