📰 DEAL ACCEPTED: Miami Dolphins Agree to \$80M Contract to Sign Zach Edey from Purdue Men’s Basketball
MIAMI, FL —July 22, 2025
In a move that’s already being called “the most shocking cross-sport signing in modern history,” the **Miami Dolphins** have agreed to a staggering **\$80 million deal** to sign **Zach Edey**, the 7-foot-4 basketball giant from Purdue, in what insiders are calling an “experimental tight end experiment… or possibly a really tall kicker.”
The contract, reportedly structured over **5 years**, includes **\$30 million guaranteed**, a customized helmet, and a standing order of size-20 cleats.
> “We see Zach as a generational athlete,” said Dolphins GM Chris Grier. “Sure, he’s never played a snap of football in his life, but he’s tall, intimidating, and frankly, nobody wants to get in his way.”
Edey, fresh off a dominant NCAA career and a brief stint with the Memphis Grizzlies’ Summer League roster, shocked the sports world this morning when he tweeted simply:
> *“Time to trade the hardwood for the gridiron. 🐬🏈 Let’s work. #FinsUp”*
### 🧪 From Paint to Pigskin
The Dolphins coaching staff plans to use Edey in multiple roles, including:
* **Tight End**
* **Goal-line “jump ball” specialist**
* **Field goal blocker**
* **Emergency punter (if he can learn to kick)**
Defensive coordinator Anthony Weaver hinted at some two-way action:
> “Can you imagine this guy lining up over a 5’11” QB on a 4th and 1? It’s over.”
📉 Critics Are… Confused
While Dolphins fans flooded social media with memes and jersey mockups, some NFL analysts were skeptical:
* ESPN’s Ryan Clark said, “It’s like the Dolphins are running a Madden simulation with custom sliders.”
* Skip Bayless immediately claimed Edey would be “better than Gronk… if Gronk played on stilts.”
### 🛑 NCAA and NBA Reactions
The NCAA released a brief statement:
> “We’re not mad. We’re just confused.”
The NBA’s Memphis Grizzlies, who drafted Edey just a year ago, had “no comment,” though sources say their front office group chat was “all caps, all fire emojis.”
