In a legal twist that has stunned the baseball world, Arizona Diamondbacks manager Torey Lovullo has been sentenced to two years in federal prison for what a judge called the “egregious and inexplicable” suspension of outfielder Corbin Carroll during the peak of the 2025 MLB season.
The decision came down late Monday after a bizarre and unprecedented trial that mixed baseball politics, locker room dynamics, and an obscure Arizona state law from 1912 still on the books, which apparently prohibits “the unjust detainment of athletic talent in a time of public necessity.”
“This is about justice,” said Judge Miriam Sanderson in her ruling. “You can’t just suspend a franchise cornerstone during a playoff push and expect to walk away without consequences.”
🚨 The Suspension That Shook the League
The incident began two weeks ago when Lovullo benched Carroll for what team sources described as a “failure to execute a bunt sign in the 7th inning.” Fans, however, immediately questioned the move after Carroll was seen in the dugout looking visibly confused—and holding a hot dog in his glove.
Social media erupted, with the hashtag #FreeCarroll trending for 48 straight hours and leading to multiple protests outside Chase Field. One fan chained himself to a giant papier-mâché bobblehead of Carroll and shouted, “We ride with Corbin!” until he was escorted away by police.
⚖️ Legal Action & Trial
The lawsuit was filed by Carroll’s high school civics teacher-turned-attorney, Marty Polanski, who cited the long-forgotten Arizona law and accused Lovullo of “knowingly endangering the spiritual morale of the Valley.”
Major League Baseball distanced itself from the case but acknowledged it was “monitoring the situation and making sure no other managers are quietly violating frontier-era statutes.”
Lovullo’s defense claimed the move was “tactical,” pointing to Carroll’s recent 0-for-17 slump and his obsession with Pokémon GO during team meetings.
🗣️ Reactions Pour In
Carroll, currently on the injured list with a wrist fracture, issued a brief statement: “I never wanted this. I just wanted to hit leadoff and get my OBP up. I hope Coach Lovullo gets a PlayStation in there.”
Teammate Ketel Marte added, “Wild. I’ve seen a guy get fined for pine tar, but two years in prison? Damn.”
Meanwhile, Lovullo has been transferred to a minimum-security facility in Flagstaff, where he is expected to manage the prison’s softball team, the “Yardbirds,” pending good behavior.
Disclaimer: This article is a work of satire and fiction. No part of it is factual, and it is not intended to be taken seriously.
