TOUCH GROUND FEW MINUTES AGO: Indiana Pacers Manager Chad Buchanan “Deeply Disappointed” After Best Center Fielder Signs Contract With… (View More)
In a shocking twist that has left the Indiana sports community baffled, Indiana Pacers General Manager Chad Buchanan expressed “deep disappointment and mild confusion” after his best center fielder officially signed a contract — with another team, in another league, and possibly another sport altogether.
The center fielder in question? Raymond “Stretch” McAllister, a fictional two-sport prodigy the Pacers believed was destined to revolutionize the NBA — despite playing center field, a position more commonly associated with baseball than basketball.
“We were really counting on him to stretch the floor,” Buchanan said in a press conference. “Unfortunately, he decided to stretch his career… into Major League Baseball.”
McAllister, who allegedly showed up to Pacers training camp wearing a batting helmet and swinging a Louisville Slugger, shocked team officials this morning when he announced he had signed a 10-year, $210 million deal with the New York Yankees, citing his desire to “chase fly balls instead of rebounds.”
Sources say Buchanan was unaware McAllister was even in talks with an MLB team, let alone capable of hitting a 90 MPH slider.
“I thought ‘center fielder’ was just his nickname,” Buchanan said, visibly shaken. “You know, like a guy who plays center but guards the perimeter. I didn’t know he actually played in center field.”
